I wish I were the woman with cashmere sweaters and matching underwear
on material (un)happiness and the wheel of ideals
I dream of being the woman who has a capsule wardrobe that consists of cashmere sweaters and matching underwear; the woman who flaunts her The Row bag and can splurge on a linen pantsuit for summer.
I sometimes feel like I’m on the brink of discovering her essence, if I just make one more purchase. One more purchase.
I put links to expensive Anine Bing jeans and Reformation dresses on a list to revisit later so I can challenge my instant gratification spendures, but the fact is that I longingly look at this list at times and think “When I have all of these, I’ll be happy… I’ll become her”
Even though I’m self-aware of my behaviour and the effect it has on my mental health, I fall still into the trap of wanting-many-things-I-can’t-afford-and-pining-over-it more often than not.
With recommendation culture at its peak and influencers promoting every item as “the best they’ve ever used,” it’s no wonder we lose track of what we actually want and the things we think we want, and at some point we end up buying the same Stanley cup and platform Uggs. Today, materialism has become engrained in the mere concept of being a woman.
It’s important to note that many of these trends also perpetuate the ideal of a skinny white woman glorifying elements of POC culture - think slick back buns and big gold hoops. It’s a toxic custom of cultural appropriation just to fit some standard that is only asking more of our money, time, and happiness.
After many years of caving into these internet hypes - yes I have Uggs and an Adanola workout set - I have given up on having the “it” bag of the season, I avoid fast-fashion dupes of every new trend, and I don’t buy 10 sets of workout clothes just to hype myself up. I thought I could be proud of this mentality. Instead, I just found a new woman on the wheel of ideals to live up to: the sophisticated female who wears luxury clothing and second-hand designer bags. But I no longer want my happiness or personality to rely on my material consumption. Because the truth is, it can’t.
The truth is, a quality linen dress will not get me the perfect summer trip. A designer bag will not get me the confidence I crave. The stuff does not make a person. I can’t simply buy and instantly become her.
Trust me, I do love it when I find a great piece, and it arrives, and it’s exactly as I’d hoped for. I’ve bought things I absolutely loved and rewear to this day. And I love sharing my favourites and I love watching other people share theirs. That’s a lot of love. Because sometimes buying that thong you’ve been eyeing for two months can make your day just a little better.
But what I’m trying to get at is that we don’t need everything, everywhere, all at once (yes, I did that). We don’t need to constantly be searching for the next thing to buy simply because the dopamine hit from our last purchase has gone.
I want to be the woman with cashmere sweaters and matching underwear, but I don’t want to be the woman who worries about about how much of her monthly salary she has left, who spends hours and hours wasting, scrolling through her 50+ open tabs trying to find that one thing that will elevate her life even for a little while.
I’m not suggesting we boycott all clothing purchases or take the fun out of fashion. What I hope to achieve is to remove the constant nagging voice whispering in my ear: “buy it, buy it, buy it now before it’s gone”.
“Unlike indulgence, pleasure is found in simplicity,” says
in her article “On Not Having Enough Money”. And simplicity might very well be the key to overcoming this perpetual obsession for more. It could be in gratitude for what we already have and the enjoyment of the simple pleasures that make life great. There are so many random moments in a day that make it special - a homemade meal, a walk in the park, a smile from a stranger. It’s cliche, but it’s true.I think this poem by Wendy Core sums it up well:
That being said, it’s not an easy road and material consumption will remain a part of my lifestyle. I will most definitely still buy something in the near future, but I hope it just gives me pleasure and no longer consumes me. I hope it’ll make me look a little more put together perhaps, but I no longer want to participate in toxic trends. In writing this down, I give myself a little push in the hopes on rewiring my brain.
I have long forgotten what it feels like to want for nothing, and I’m ready to rediscover what it feels like.
The woman with cashmere sweaters and matching underwear is still on my mind, but I’m ready to let her go just a bit. And that’s good enough for now.
What are your thoughts on material overconsumption and purchasing to follow aesthetics? And how do you balance your wants and needs without “accidentally” buying your whole wishlist come payday? Let me know your thoughts!
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I so relate because clothing always tells a story to me. Sometimes I have to pull myself back and ask if I want the clothes or just the lifestyle I associate with them. I also already have the cashmere sweaters and matching underwear. They're lovely and I appreciate having them but they haven't transformed me into the effortlessly glamorous girl who never has to worry about money. (Which is why I am currently challenging myself with a no-buy)
Honestly, I'm in love with the idea of being that confident glowing woman that travels every so often and is so glaringly successful and I think buying a cashmere sweater and getting chic sunglasses will get me to become her.
Sometimes I forget the essentials and go for what's recommended.